Bye Love.

Problems not solve between us, we're still having our cooling period. 

Things might not turn out the way it is last time. (i predict) Situation is different from the previous fight,but ironically similar. I always thought he loved me more than i do. Actually i realised i love him as much as he does. Is just that i'm too blind to realise it last time. Shermaine once asked me:" Will you ever break with him?." My answer was:" Yes, maybe. He is too irritating. Overprotective. I can't breathe, and i need personal space." She asked another question:" Then, will you be sad?. You have been with him for 3 years you know?." And my answer was:" Probably no. 3 years so?. I can go find another better guy." 

And as was on my way back home on bus 7 just now, memories kept flashing back my mind. And i kept questioning myself. "Do i really not love him anymore.? Can i be on my own without him?. Can i take care of myself after being taken care by him for 3 years?. As i stood there, listening to my mp3, tears rolled down. And, i found the answer. It's a no. 

I realised my world revolved around him for the past 3 years. I was so reliant, so taken care by him. And, talking about a 3 year relationship, it's very hard to say goodbye to. Maybe it's my foolishness and my impulsiveness. 

I'd made the wrong decision, the wrong move. I realised i had only put in effort in the 1st 2 years of this relationship. And for the past 1 year, it's him who maintain it. And it's because of the 'joelle' incident made me feel so tired/sick/shameful of this relationship as well as him. It's that incident that leaves a deep scar on my heart and a crack on our relationship. By then, the crack grew bigger and bigger and it is now broken in to pieces. And it seems nothing can amend it anymore.

 I admit that i am not a good girlfriend at all. I was selfish, everything i do is of my own good. I never really think/care about him sometimes. And i i will always find excuses to cover up all my mistakes (but i didn't realise it). And he is the one who always admit that he is in the wrong when sometimes it's actually me. Though he can be very childish, overprotective. But i know that he loves me very much now. I didn't really care and take it for granted. And in the end, things ended up this way. I don't blame anyone else, except myself. 

And looking back, most of the things i have now is 90% paid by him. He worked so hard just to be able to satisfy my needs (things which i want) but, yet i don't seems to be thankful in any way. I feel super bad and i treated him badly. But whenever i asked him:"Dear, do you think i treat you badly/am i a bad girlfriend?" His answer is always:"No, you're not(Inserts a smile on his face)." Followed by a peck on my forehead. 

Though he can be very super irritating and annoying, but he is very caring and very patient towards me. Always wait for me outside my house. (At least 30 minutes, as i'm always late) I have a super duper hot temper (it's really very hot and bad, don't believe can ask shermaine and yingxin). And i think he is the only one whom can stand it. Whenever i'm in a bad mood, if he say anything wrong or do something which i don't like i would yell/speak in an irritated tone. Maybe i should let him go find a real nice girl whom will be able to appreciate him and love him. And i should just punish myself and not have a love one by my side for the rest of my life. 

To you:

Sorry, i've let you down. And cause so much pain to you. Maybe you can just stop thinking and just move on. Need not care about me. I will try to pick myself up and move on. You concentrate on your studies and be a better man who can provide your future wife a better life next time. You'll mature gradually. And, I'm not the one who changed you. You're the one who changed yourself. You continue with my for 3 years is because you think that i changed your life and you want to repay me. That is why you continue to be with me even though i treated you so badly. I apologize once again. & i hope you will find someone whom you can love/trust. And someone who loves/trust you. And thanks for all your love and care for the past 3 years. And maybe you will want to know this, i loved you very much before. Kay, bye.